Fuck all those other "cry me a river" religions. Fuck all that horseshit. You don't want to join a church to say penance or get your thetans sucked out when you could be living it up with strippers and booze; you don't want to drink grape juice and eat bread when you could be drinking Johnny Walker Blue and wolfing down pizza. Hail Mary? Hell no, Hail Meaty. Bring your ass to the one and only "First" Church of Meatology.
We got UFOs. We got strippers and trannies. We got booze. We got pyramids which we sacrifice Mayberry posters on top of. Come one, come all.
Commandments according to Meaty
1. Thou shalt not use the words "thou" or "shalt".
2. Drinkest you some beer.
3. Eatest you some pizza.
4. Getest you some pussy.
5. Wear a jimmy.
6. Romoshoppest you some fighter pictures.
7. Thou shalt not post "first" (beacausest it is trademarked).
8. Don't tazest me bro.
9. NyQuil is your best friend.
10. Be fruitful and givest High Poobah Meaty Portion your monies.
Subject: Meatology and you 
Mon Mar 10, 2008 10:35 pm